Perhaps the most absolute way to deny a being power is to silence it, to deprive it of a voice. My scale once did this to me, making my authentic expression inaudible in the midst of a foreign and controlling internal storm. I became a mere inmate, jailed in my own body, confined by the engrossing totalitarian rule of the numbers. I no longer had control over my actions….I was the seed of a dandelion whose fate was determined by unsettling winds. I was the seed of a dandelion who was being coercively blown away from my family, from my happiness, from my home. I was diminished to nothing but a muted hostage.
For the past three years, I have given the scale a taste of its own medicine….I have sucked out all its power and influence, transforming it into a useless entity. I have taken away its voice, forcing it to live a worthless life rotting away in some unopened closet. How did I turn my oppressor into a spineless subject? I chose to ignore it, to never step on it and give it the chance to poison my mind with its toxic knowledge.
Yes, I have had no idea what my weight has been for the past three years, but this does not mean I am not fully recovered. Choosing to ignore the scale does not mean that you are not strong enough to face a mere number….rather, it means that you have the respect for your mind to free it from the potential angst and restraint that a number on the scale can carry. Choosing to ignore the scale is a testament to your bravery, to your decision to take back the life that is rightfully yours.
There have been times over the past three years where it would have been so easy to just step on the scale and become reunited with my worst enemy. There have been times in hotel bathrooms or doctors’ offices when the scale has tried to lure me back into its lethal grip, when the scale has taunted me with a silent cry. There have been times when I have almost stepped onto it, when I have almost succumbed to its manipulative and conniving charisma. But I didn’t, and it is recovery that has blessed me with this newfound internal strength and unceasing willpower. It is because of recovery that I have been able to say the hardest goodbye, to part ways with the all-too-familiar potent sovereignty of the numbers. It has been the hardest goodbye, but also the most rewarding, exhilarating, and gratifying “hello” to freedom, to life, to self-empowerment.
#GoodbyeToTheScale, a useless, decaying piece of trash; #HelloSimran, a rebel who had the strength to overthrow the oppressive dominion of the undefining numbers.