Moments Like These
The droplets of water falling from the vast blue unknown are starting to fade. The sun awakens, slowly but surely overpowering the wasps of cotton dotting the azure sky. I look up, my eyes closed, allowing the sunlight to soak in through my pores. In a way, I feel utterly insignificant, just a microscopic blotch of ink on an infinite sky-blue canvas. But I feel warm and open, embracing my freedom in a world of endless possibility. I open my eyes….a rainbow….no two!....start to surface. The colors merge together, a seamless blend of all the beautiful hues that make our world come alive. I am standing in my backyard, facing an unbounded meadow of green, taking in the every flavor of outside. My mother is here too, and my brother and my sister and my father. A song flows through the speakers, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” a beautiful melody dancing in sync with the natural world. I am at peace, allowing the relaxed omnipotence of the present to paint me across the canvas, to move me in inexplicable, mysterious ways. In the horizon, I see my father and brother running, laughing, flowing carelessly like autumn leaves in the wind. In the distance, I see my mother and sister, hand-in-hand, twirling to the rhythm of the song. I smile. I smile because there is so much love and beauty in this vivid world of ours. I start running towards my family, towards love, towards beauty.
It is probably 11 p.m., a mild, typical July night. The incessant sky is dark and black yet radiates a sense of lightness, of solace, of tranquility. We are driving about 40 miles per hour, “Malibu” blasting away at the silence, all four windows down. The summer breeze exhilarates me as it waves through my hair and skin. My father opens up the rooftop of our car, sky where the ceiling used to be. My mother, sister, brother, and I all stand up on our seats, our heads rising towards the midnight sky. I look up, up at the unexplored darkness, up at a world we may never know. Millions of distant stars are splatter-painted over the dark, illuminating the blackness and enchanting my mind. I wonder if they will forever twinkle in solitude or if they will transform into worlds that foster life and love and an abundance of everything like Earth. I let my hair fly with the wind, a tangled mess that becomes indecisive in the midst of a sudden burst of sovereignty. I simply listen to the raw, placid vocals, the wind refreshing me with its swiftness, the stars capturing my curiosity of what’s out there, beyond the life I’ve always known. Again, I am strikingly comforted by my relative nothingness….I’m just a girl looking up towards something bigger than herself. And by staring up at the sky, I am grounded and liberated simultaneously. I realize that an unceasing universe means that I truly am minuscule in the grand scheme of things….but at the same time, it also means that there is no limit to anything—adventure, exploration, love, and beauty will never run out.
It is moments like these that make me realize just how lucky I am to be alive. To be able to let the wind move me, or the stars take my imagination on extraterrestrial journeys, or a rainbow color my world, is a gift like no other. It lends to me a feeling of wholeness, a sense of belonging, a central warmness that by human nature is essential to our survival. The grand richness and diversity of life never ceases to humble me, to show me that there is so much to still discover. It is moments like these that make me most thankful, for if I hadn’t recovered, I probably wouldn’t have been able to experience the interminable inspiration of life.
Recovery has allowed me to enjoy and be happy and appreciate this phenomenal world of ours. Recovery has allowed me to look upwards and onward, past the stars and over the rainbow. Recovery has allowed me to free my mind from the restraints of my trivial problems so that my imagination can fly me to far-away beauty. Recovery has allowed me to gain the acceptance that I should not clash with nature—that I should not unnaturally diminish my self-worth and morph my body—but should instead exist in harmony with it, to flow with its current towards a state of healthy being. Recovery has allowed me to choose life and its concomitant wonder, to hear the sound of pure, wholehearted laughter and to witness the miracle of unconditional love and family. Recovery has allowed me to experience moments like these. The best, most revealing instances of time.